As I venture further down the rabbit hole of creating, I am learning- this is the playground for the wealthy. The wealthy and bored. I am a peasant intruding on the last vestige of daylight enjoyment awarded them. No wonder I am blacklisted and despised, aside for my religious tendencies. These kids have nothing left to do but seek the spotlight and party. I am sure to be in for new heartbreak as I learn what it’s really all about. ‘For with much wisdom comes much sorrow.’

I have learned that the audience, though set before the stage as sheep, are as sharp as wolves when it comes to authenticity. And that money cannot buy. No amount of well-poised journalism, name dropping, or clever production can cover worthless fruit. And they know it! Some may be fooled into buying something once, but it will not stay with them, be remembered or cared for in the long run. You have to touch hearts for that. Like Michael, who is still selling a decade after his death and who is daily posted about online.

So, all these bored kids cannot be in it for money, but attention, boredom. They would rather spend their wealth on seeking attention than following their families business ventures in accumulating more wealth. But I am speaking beyond what I know, but am sure to learn. Whether I want to or not, and I’d really rather not. To quote my new love John Martyn, “I don’t want to know about evil, I only want to know about love.”

Not that seeking the life of an artist is inherently evil, but self love, envy, gossip, malicious deceit are the way of darkness, and the artistic path is forged with people such as these. That is why I cling so closely to God, without Him I wouldn’t have made it past my first backstabbing, calculated seductions, cold abandonment, self-destruction, isolation, wickedly false smiles and many other pits set for my soul. If He has seen me through all this, I will surely only grow stronger and wiser and produce such fruit as the world has never seen or heard.

This is my dream. Watch me rise.

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