When I was a sleeping child, I never once thought about who or what or why I was. But now that I am awake and, thankfully, still alive, I wonder. Who am I? Why am I? Why do the shadows take such an interest in me? I know part of this is the persecution I am to endure as a practicing Christian, but there seems to be more to it. So, with no one to turn to but myself and God, I ask, who am I God? Why am I, a lowly child, isolated and put under the invisible microscope in this way? I will persevere for your sake, but I am terribly lost in this darkness.
I’ve been called many things to my face, much more behind my back. Most of it true. But I need a deeper meaning than just a name. Angel, bitch, child, witch. Just a name. What do they mean? To me, a witch is a woman with influence. It is not necessarily mixing potions and casting spells, though I may have done that unintentionally at times in the past.
My favorite writer, Paulo Coehlo, explains beautifully the four archetypes of curious women.
“We women, when we’re searching for a meaning to our lives or for the path of knowledge, always identify with one of four classic archetypes.
“The Virgin (and I’m not speaking here of a sexual virgin) is the one whose search springs from her complete independence, and everything she learns is the fruit of her ability to face challenges alone.
“The Martyr finds her way to self-knowledge through pain, suffering, and surrender.
“The Saint finds her true reason for living in unconditional love and in her ability to give without asking anything in return.
“Finally, the Witch justifies her existence by going in search of complete and limitless pleasure.”
Must I identify with only one? I see myself in all four. If I must, then it would be the witch. Pleasure not being pleasures of the flesh, which I’ve had and are weak ‘Those who are in the realm of the flesh cannot please God,’ but pleasures of the spirit. ‘Since we are living by the Spirit, let us follow the Spirit’s leading in every part of our lives.’ My existence is nothing but a search for spiritual fulfillment. ‘Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the Spirit gives birth to spirit.’
‘For the world offers only a craving for physical pleasure, a craving for everything we see, and pride in our achievements and possessions. These are not from the Father, but are from this world.’ The word ONLY stands out to me in this passage. I’ve lived in this lowly realm and all these desires are weak and unfulfilling. This world has nothing to offer me except my capacity to change it.
Without a doubt I would have long ago been burned at the stake just for being me. Back when people did believe in the concept of the Devil, but overlooked the passage where it says ‘I will fear no evil.’ And one of the commandments, ‘Thou shall not murder.’ So these poor women were terrorized and murdered just for being different. Different could be as simple as owning a pet. An animal familiar, or familiar spirit.
I actually had a familiar spirit and was connivingly separated from her when I was ill and living out of my car in Boston. I pray everyday that God will avenge me on this loss. And I have no doubt that he will. ‘The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.’ Destroying the wicked cannot come soon enough, but the longer he takes the more my patience is strengthened and the more I will be able to endure.
Able to endure my modern-day burnings as a witch. The invisible flames of hatred and malice, the flames of isolation, the flames of being followed and taunted, the flames of mind games and betrayals, the flames of fake smiles and false friends. ‘Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.’ This is undoubtedly true. I am overly blessed. Why is he so good to me? Me, a lowly child.