While trying to find an accurate picture of what I feel it means to be submissive I was bombarded with vulgar, pornographic images. This fascination with BDSM is an incredibly painful longing and cry for the true nature of the man and woman power dynamic. And it seems I am not alone in this.

‘Wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, …’

Once again, this sickened society would tell me I am wrong or weak for wanting to serve my husband. You must fight against that. Listen to your heart. It is good to want to cook or even clean for your husband to please him. You are being a natural, even holy, woman. For, ‘Man was not made for woman, but woman was made for man.’ 

And to take it one step further, God says we must, both man and woman, submit to all authority. ‘Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. For the one in authority is God’s servant for your good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for rulers do not bear the sword for no reason. They are God’s servants, agents of wrath to bring punishment on the wrongdoer.’

Yes, all this chaos and darkness can certainly be seen as agents of wrath. We are a fallen, debaucherous people, what more should we expect?  And as for myself, I will accept punishment for my transgressions. I cannot help my trapped cat in the corner reactions at times. Hounds all around me, it is only natural that my hair should stand on end and my claws be out ready to strike even if it is to little to no avail. As I grow in my faith, this animal instinct will diminish and my higher nature will shine. Forgive me. Or, rather, let me forgive myself.

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