‘Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life: You should mind your own business and work with your hands, so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody.’
I grew up always knowing I was different, but wanting so badly to belong. I loved everyone so much, I wanted to be one of them. But, I couldn’t. So I thought myself dumb. This was further pounded into me by an abusive stepfather – I was dumb.
And so when it came to pass that, as an adult, I was to receive an invitation to play the role of a ‘Harvard wife,’ I cried. How could this be? I was dumb. But this was the world telling me that I wasn’t dumb, so I took the bait. And I do regret it whole-heartedly, but, you see, it stemmed from a lifelong misconception about myself.
Now I know, I am not dumb but I am indeed different. Not ordinary. But, I will strive to live an ordinary, quiet life. Not dependent on anybody. This check from the government? Is it dependence or a well-earned stipend for the suffering I have endured? In any case, I’m here now, still not a perfect person so I will just accept and be grateful for my situation.