I can’t be certain of anything, but it’s a feeling. As I make my way back into normal, everyday society I sometimes sense people are afraid of me. Maybe they’ve heard the rumors, some may even be true. Some may be fabricated or exaggerated, who knows. Whatever it is, I sense I am known and judged before I even enter the room.
That’s a real shame. Everyone imagines fame as pure adulation and a party wherever they go. And that may be true of people who didn’t become famous for going insane. From my small taste it feels like I am longing to make new friends and a fresh start but everyone has already judged me and put me in the ‘crazy box.’ They don’t even want to give me a chance. They are afraid.
That sentiment is what inspired the chorus to this song…
It says, “Don’t be afraid, I’ll do you no harm. I am your friend, arm in arm.”
I have so much to say about mental illness, stigma, big pharma and our society. For the first year of my decline I was in complete denial- convinced western doctors are fed a list of inane symptoms that almost anyone could exhibit in this 9-5, spiritually dead, consumer driven society just so big pharma could readily prescribe you the newest concoction and cash in on your ‘medical need.’
In my case, that turned out to not be the case. I was sick. Bipolar with psychotic features. Sounds scary. This terminology is only 50 years old, let’s go back to what it might have been called before modern medicine.
A tortured soul.
Good, old fashioned madness.
The artistic temperament.
I like witch the best. It still sounds scary, but you have powers too. Witches can cast spells and fly. How romantic.
Witches were also burned at the stake.
My social rejection could be taken as a kind of burning. And that’s okay, for I have read ‘blessed are you when they exclude you and insult you.’ So, by all means, reject me but please don’t be afraid of me. It hurts my feelings because I really am a nice person just trying to get along.